A conversation I did not overhear on the tube

Long live the president! Go Obama! God bless the Britain!

You mean America.

Urm…

It’s God bless America, not Britain – why the hell would God ever bless Britain? (Especially with blasphemy like that.)

I thought…

No. You have clearly been paying too much attention to the British media, which, understandably has led you to falsely believe firstly that we have a president, and secondly that his name is Obama.

But, I watched Prime Minister’s (ahh) Questions today, and Obama’s name was mentioned a million times –I thought it was like when the deputy prime minister stands in and kisses the genuine prime minister’s arse.

No my wishful thinking friend. Many moons ago, in 2008, someone told our leaders that if you say a popular person’s name loads of times then some of their popularity rubs off on you – just for laughs. One sucker who fell for this was our very own Obama, Gordon Brown.

Damn it. (He’s not half as hot)

I know.

And everyone was out celebrating last night (including me, actually), and I don’t remember ever doing that for Gordon Brown.

That’s because you didn’t. Instead you stayed in and wept at the injustice of living in a democracy where the leader was not elected.

But I thought that the whole point of a democracy was…

It is.

So we celebrate America’s successful attempt at democracy instead?

Apparently so.

I tried to watch Obama’s inauguration speech on TV too, but didn’t make it to the end.

Oh, how come? Too emotional?

No: flipping Tories.

From one West Texas girl to another.

Born to rich parents? Check.

Privately educated? Check.

(Head cheerleader? Check.)

History degree, Yale University? Check.

MBA, Harvard? Check.

And yet…

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7809160.stm

I was going to list a couple of the most priceless, but this, predictably, proved impossible. So much for “adding value”. Still, no pseudo-political blog would be complete without them. Enjoy – only eight days left! Something tells me that Obama isn’t going to be misunderestimated in quite the same way.

Don’t go breaking my heart, The Times: Obama’s Aunt and Gating Galore.

The day before the election and there’s not much one can blog about except the election – or at the very least some media coverage of it. I am beginning to wonder what on earth I’ll spend my evenings doing in a few days time, if not staring at election gossip a la internet…. Living TV will no doubt beckon me, once again.

On Sunday, the Observer splashed with the story that Obama’s aunt is living in Boston as an illegal immigrant after her asylum request was rejected four years ago. And this isn’t a long lost what’s-her-name on some far away branch of the family tree, stashed away in the attic, covered in dust. Oh no, this is the “Auntie Zeituni” he affectionately – (apparently, I happily confess to not having read them) – refers to in his memoirs, Dreams From My Father.

This is “Autiegate”, apparently. (I assume it is not just me who’s getting somewhat bored of the horrendously overdone journalistic trick of gating everything: Mauel Gate, Yacht Gate – and they’re just from the last week. It always makes me think of fences.)

And gate or no gate, what’s super duper interesting about all this is not that Obama has an illegal immigrant for an Aunt. Although this is, quite obviously, pretty exciting stuff – I keep imagining the Daily Express’s reaction if Brown had a similar skeleton stashed away, just for laughs. No, what’s interesting is how the newspapers have covered the news.

Obvs, we’ve got the Observer. And the Inde. Now they both write it pretty straight. As it should, in my worthless opinion, be written. The “it’s news, and it’s potentially damaging to our love, Obama; but let’s not be too judgemental, shall we, for he is our saviour after all” line.

But you’ll notice, if a conscientious reader, that the Inde especially begins to raise questions regarding the timing of this revelation. Obama has been at this for two years. This came out two days before The Day We’ve All Been Waiting For. Now I’m a pretty cynical kind ‘a guy, but I reckon even the most naïve dear would find this timing all a little too convenient for one 72 year-old in particular.

The Telegraph reports on my (and even more important people’s) concerns: “Democrates suggest dirty play.” Noooooo…. (insert nine-year-old sarcasm noise here). And, unsurprisingly, loads of other papers have gone down the same route.

Except, The Times. Who, here at the very least, seem scarily proud of having at least something to do with the revelation. I admit that the story may turn out to be perfectly innocent and coincidental. But, for now, allow me to withhold judgement. The Times should remember how much we all love Obama (let me count the ways) before boasting quite so loudly about their part in potentially – although apparently avoided – breaking billions of hearts.

So if, over the next 24 hours, the Republicans’ resorts to lies and scheming gets you down, just do what I do – and dream up Daily Express headlines, just for fun.