Broadcast Bingo 1: Conservative Party Election Broadcast, complete with sickening child and Geri Halliwell

Feel free to read – and vote for! – this post here.

For most people, May is the month of bank holidays and occasional bouts of sunshine. For those unfortunate enough not to switch the news off promptly, May is also the month of election party broadcasts.

But although the façade of impartiality knocks many viewers sick, I have revelled in the election broadcasts. For they have enabled me to develop a game, entitled Broadcast Bingo, which has made my May much more (get that alliteration!) enjoyable.

In this post, and those that follow, I plan to embed the video of a party’s official election broadcast video and tally the amount of times the party resorts to clichés in order to persuade us to vote for it.

(The fact that these parties don’t consider that resorting to clichés, much less inspiring the voter to vote, is far more likely to inspire the voter to sigh and switch off the TV – or in my case, get excited and blog  – astounds me.)

First up, the Conservatives. Sit back, and enjoy…

Broadcast Bingo Results:

Length: 4.46 – it’s a long ‘un

Times Cameron says “Cameron”: 4

Interviews with sceptical voters who will now, of course, vote Tory: 10

Brown bashing: 4

Needless celebrity name drop: 2

Shot of sickeningly sweet child: 1

Times “recession” mentioned: 1

Times “Obama” mentioned: 0

Amount of shots of campaign banner: 1,000,000 approx.

Best line: “I’ve started a campaign called Save The Penguins…”

Some Very Serious Analysis:

Set against a backdrop of campaign banners shouting Cameron’s name at the viewer, and an unnecessary amount of shots of Cameron in a variety of modes of transport, the Conservative party election broadcast does not disappoint when it comes to clichés.

The child with the sickeningly sweet voice who wants to save the penguins should comes as no surprise, and neither should the numerous interviews with apparently sceptical voters who have now been charmed by Mr Smooth himself.

There were some shocks though. Such as just one mention of the recession. Must have slipped their minds when they were brainstorming current issues that affect voters. And the fact that Cameron avoided name-dropping Obama was also a bit surprising. But that all made sense when I saw their ‘Vote For Change’ slogan at the end. Hats off to them for that subliminal messaging.

Whilst we’re on the topic of name-dropping, though, the Geri Halliwell mention was unexpected. And, to be honest, unnecessary. Who’d have thought that in Cameron’s 4 minutes and 46 sections to convince voters that he’s the man, he’d consider name-dropping a Spice Girl a good use of two seconds?

In summery, a completely uninspiring campaign election video that ticked almost every predictable cliché box. But the Tories gain an extra point for the Spice Girl reference, and so, in this – the first round of Broadcast Bingo – the Conservatives score…

Geri Halliwell Marks David Cameron Out Of Ten...

Brown’s the king of the castle: or he will be on Christmas Day.

David Cameron’s position as King of the Castle, or at least the polls, looks to be in jeopardy. And as the Conservative’s lead becomes smaller, and smaller, and smaller – I feel that I am in a position to make a prediction of when it might cease to exist at all: Christmas day.

My exciting prediction comes from playing with the Guardian’s ‘interactive poll data’, which documents the Guardian/ICM poll results since June 05. If you hold a ruler up to your computer screen, the pretty blue and red lines look set to collide on Christmas day. Or at least the end of December. How very scientific.

Or Christmas Day roundabout...

Anyway, there has been much internet-based debate as to why Brown is suddenly much more popular than he was (more fiddling with the Guardian’s grid-thingy) in June this summer, and most of it centres around heroic efforts at saving the world. Er, banks. I mean world banks…

I have a different opinion. Brown’s Government is flipping popular right now because they’re so bad they’re good. Accidentally giving 5% of the civil service over £200 (each, a year) in pension overpayments must have guaranteed them a few votes. And as I’m in the mood for predicting, I reckon Labour have just secured themselves 95,000.

This is what the BBC reckon people who are £200 a year better off look like.

Tories haven’t got a chance as long as Labour keep cocking up this well.